What is SPD?

It is always best to start at the beginning, and in my opinion, knowledge is power. Therefore, let’s briefly rundown what Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) actually is.

One of the best ways it was explained to me was by Lincoln’s Occupational Therapist. She said “Imagine that we all have a 5 gallon bucket that represents our “senses”. Sight, touch, smell, hearing, taste, balance, and body position. Throughout the day, our bucket begins to fill as we move through our lives… eating things, talking, visiting others, going to the store, etc. We notice around lunch time that our bucket begins to feel full. For most of us this is when we get cranky, hungry, tired, or stressed. As adults, we know we probably need to take a small break. Eat a snack, rest for 5 minutes, zone out on our phone, do something to recharge. That empties out our bucket significantly so that we can continue to go about our day. Then, with our good night’s sleep, our bucket is fresh and empty for the next day.

For folks with sensory processing disorder, you don’t have a 5 gallon bucket, you have a 2 gallon bucket. And you experience several (if not all) senses VERY STRONGLY. Sounds are louder, lights are brighter, touch is more intense, and so forth. Therefore, your bucket gets full quite quickly. Others don’t understand what you are going through, or you may not be able to even speak out loud your experience because you are non-verbal. This leads to major meltdowns, tantrums, or disassociation. It can be downright impossible for them to every empty their bucket or get a break from the constant overwhelm of the world and their experience of it.”

In scientific terms, sensory processing disorder is defined as “A disorder characterized by the inability to accurately process information coming to the brain from the senses, which results in inaccurate judgment of sensory information such as touch, sight, movement, taste, and sound.” When we cannot interpret the information that comes through our senses ,or can’t find the right balance between sensory over- and under-responsivity, this results in an SPD diagnosis. (information sourced from The Everything Parent’s Guide to Sensory Processing Disorder by Terri Mauro).

Many individuals who have SPD also have another diagnosis, such as Autism, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Seizure disorder, PTSD, or a learning disability. However, that does not necessarily mean that someone with SPD has another disorder or condition.

SPD can also look like ADHD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder or an Anxiety Disorder. Again, that does not always mean that it takes two to tango in this situation.

The important thing is to treat the individual with SPD with extreme love and compassion. This is not an easy thing to live with, and there are many things we can do to help folks along to make their experience more comfortable and manageable. Personally, I am so grateful for a diagnosis for my son. The professionals and resources I have found so far have made life so much better for Lincoln. I finally feel that we understand him and can begin to make sense of this disorder and give him the most beautiful life imaginable.

I will soon share many more details about SPD including how we got a diagnosis, what Lincoln’s specific conditions of disorder are, and what life is like for us.

For now, I am grateful for support from all of our friends, family , and professionals as we navigate a child with SPD!

Spotting the Warning Signs

I vowed to myself, no matter what, that I would never again let things get as bad as they got in January. My biggest promise to myself was to truly listen to my gut instincts, my intuition, and to tune into my children so I could sense when things were off. If you have any experience with listening to your gut and intuition, it can be very difficult at first.

Over time, I have learned to spot when we (or me) are out of alignment, recognize the signs, not freak out, and make the necessary changes to remedy things. I think a key part here worth mentioning is to not identify, shame yourself, or feel guilt if you get out of alignment. This is normal, life fluctuates, you can never be sunshine and rainbows all the time. Take a second, analyze what is going on, and make changes to fix it.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT ignore your gut instincts and intuition. This is how things get out of whack and add up to big issues (insert disease, divorce, depression and anxiety, and all sorts of issues). Now of course I am not saying those things will happen, just that I can say from experience that if you let these issues add up, over time it will boil over and something in your life will fall apart.

So how do you identify these signs and symptoms of things being out of alignment? Most likely, you already know somewhere deep down. It’s that feeling that something is off, not quite right. It could look like anxiety, not sleeping well, or getting a bad vibe. The trick is learning to identify it, stop and analyze, and change course.

Here are a few examples of how I know that I personally am out of alignment;

• quick to anger, moodiness, snapping at kids and spouse

• not eating well, drinking alcohol, retail therapy

• feeling completely drained and exhausted

• avoiding basic easy tasks like oil change, dropping off library books…

• not incorporating any movement into my day

• house is trashed, laundry piling up, dishes stacked, no cooked food

• skin breakouts, hives, rashes, itchiness

• going down thought spirals and telling myself stories that arn’’t true

• “see-saw ing'“ or “ping ponging” thoughts, swinging back and forth on how I feel about things

• considering big life changes without much discussion (moving, babies, career, etc)

When I feel myself doing a few of these things, I know I am out of alignment. I used to identify with this, question what was wrong with me, claim I had anger issues, and sometimes not emerge from my spiral for months at a time. Now, I simply give myself grace, call it what it is “Burnout , Overwhelm, or just being Off”, and get back to my tried and true methods that make me feel better.

A lot of times these feelings emerge simply because I am not doing enough that fills up my cup or simply takes care of me. I keep a list of things in my phone of all my favorites and I try to do as many of them as possible until I feel better.

Here are some good examples of what bring me back into alignment;

• reading a great fiction book

• doing puzzles, art, dancing, listening to music

• chatting with friends or family

• talking to my therapist (or journaling )

• getting outside in any form

• movement (yoga, dance, running, walk, swim, kayak)

• take a day off from activities, plans, appointments

• refresh my house - clean, wash my sheets, cook, grocery shop, sweep and mop

• take a shower or bath

• drink water

• yoga and meditate

• light a candle, incense, sage

It is important to note that I absolutely do not do things that are more harm than good. As in, drinking alcohol, binge eating junk food, cigarettes, gossiping, etc. This just perpetuates the issues and is not in any way healing or a good reset.

All of this is so important to keep in mind, especially when mothering. I will write more on how I notice when my kids, home, family are out of alignment. But first, you need to fill up your own cup. It’s the oxygen mask theory; if you don’t put your oxygen mask on first, you cannot help those around you. YOU need to feel good, be in alignment, and be a calm and assertive presence in your own life. Everyone else will naturally follow suit.

Overall, I am so glad that I finally came to a point of awareness of this entire thought process. While I am certainly not perfect, and have plenty of bad days, I truly feel better. I fluctuate less, find more peace in my life, and maintain more balance for myself and my family.

My biggest suggestions: give yourself grace, keep a list of things you love in your phone, and don’t take anything too seriously!

Waking Up

Have you ever had a moment in your life where you literally “snap awake” and realize, HOLY S%$&, what am I doing? It could be triggered by tragedy, illness, or it could be just a regular Tuesday.

For me, it was in January 2021. We were still in the throws of Covid, my husband and I were both working 40+ hours a week, our kids were in full time daycare, and we were miserable.

Nothing was working. Our house was constantly trashed, we were living off noodles and takeout. I was always sick, angry, and completely disconnected from my life. I hated my job more and more every day. I think the worst part was how miserable my kids were.

The tipping point was when we had to put down both of our pets due to a freak accident within 5 days of each other. My heart absolutely broke open, especially putting down my dog of 6 years. She was MY dog. My first baby. I trained her, slept with her every night, and loved her more than I even knew.

But with great tragedy brought great clarity. It woke me the eff up. I snapped awake, heartbroken but eyes wide open, and vowed to change everything. And I did.

Within a month of that incident, I resigned from my job with no plans of getting a new one. I yanked my kids out of daycare (more on that experience later), and started therapy again. I knew I had a long road of healing ahead of me.

So much wasn’t right. Our home, physical health, mental health, and lifestyle all needed to be overhauled. I vowed to never again ignore my gut and intuition. I vowed to never again avoid what my inner self was feeling and needing. And I vowed to truly listen to my children and their needs.

This is that journey. It is no where near perfect, and in fact I am embracing the CHAOS. I am learning that the world is not so black and white. There really is no “right” way to do things. I am stepping so fully into creating the exact world that I want to live in with my family.

It is a world full of nature, books, mess, love, craziness and tons of imperfect little moments that add up to a lifetime wrapped in authenticity and presence.

So I will start by asking you one question…

“Are you living your most authentic life?”

My dog Kuma